Free and Free Falling

Open Hand

Surrender

Jesus says, “those who lose their life, for my sake, will find it.” Buddhism and Yoga teach the practice of non-grasping and non-attachment. 12-step addiction recovery invites people to “Let go and let God.”

All of these spiritual practices ask us to surrender in order to find life, peace, wholeness, recovery, fulfillment, and joy. It is a paradox that is recognized in every generation, culture, and community. Living into this paradox is a lifelong challenge to keep my hand open, my jaw unclenched, my heart soft, and my gaze on God’s unconditional love.

Last month my spiritual director said, “You have spent the last year learning to survive, working very hard to keep body and soul together after so much loss and destruction. You are exhausted. Your hand is being emptied again, are you ready to practice surrender? Can you surrender to more clearly hear God’s voice?”

When we talked again this month I said, “About surrender… Thank you… and F*** you, this is hard.” We both laughed. She replied, “Yes. It often feels that way.”

The words of poet (and priest) John O’Donohue are soothing to me in this raw and vulnerable time.

This is the time to be slow,
Lie low to the wall
Until the bitter weather passes.

Try, as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.

If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.

John O’Donohue

Welcome to my season of surrendering. As I continue to write, paint, create, and look for employment that will sustain body, mind, and spirit with vocational authenticity, you are invited to travel along with me through my blog and offerings. (Maybe one of these days, I’ll figure out SubStack.) If you would like to engage with me personally or professionally, I encourage you to contact me (adrien.dawson@gmail.com) for a conversation. God may be speaking through you and I am surrendering to listen!

There is a holy and sacred pattern to our lives that allows us to be broken open, receive a blessing, and discover that we and others are beloved of God. This cycle is ancient and archetypal, a Eucharist that feeds us when we share it with others. In these pages, I hope to share my own experiences of life being made whole and holy.

Reflections on the journey.